by Bushviper » Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:02 am
Your gran has osteoporosis and you immediately think of dusting her food in calcium and getting her a basking light.
The school sends a note home saying that there have been a few cases of lice and you offer to Frontline the children.
You try to convince you wife that 1.2 makes for a good relationship and she keeps mentioning multiple males.
You see an e-mail stating “My balls have dropped” and instead of thinking about puberty you think “how many?”
You refer to your electric blanket as the heating pad.
You avoid people with blue eyes because you imagine they would be grumpy until they have shed!
You see an albino and a child and you refer to the child as hetero!
You see a man with red hair and his pregnant blond wife and you wonder if their child will be a double het.
You chop up your fruit salad in bite size pieces.
When you see rolled up pantyhose you want to throw the shedding away.
You refer to your dogs kennel as a hide box.
You wonder what that nice Greek girl’s scientific name is.
Probing!
You use water bowls for your toddler so that he cannot tip over his porridge.
After surgery you convince yourself that 2 or 3 sheddings and you wont be able to see the scar.
You try to scent the broccoli so that your children will eat it.
You are convinced you can cure anorexia by force feeding with a soft tube.
Your child has a runny nose and you install spot lights in his room and weigh him incase you have to use baytril.
You feel sorry for a girl with an over weight boyfriend because you know he is too fat to breed successfully.
Boobs lose their fascination.
You head bob to show that you are angry and everyone thinks you are actually agreeing with them.
You nearly make the mistake of defrosting everything that comes out of the freezer including the ice cream.
You cannot understand why they don’t microchip babies in the maternity ward because they all look the same anyway.
You don’t date the Korean girl in your class cause you don’t have a permit for exotics (applicable only in the Cape).
Road cruising to pick up dates does not seem perverted at all. (Catch, photograph and release springs to mind too.)
You want to get a new wife because the one you have only produces one or two offspring at a time. (Applicable only in Springs, Benoni and Boksburg).
You keep your kids away from the beach because you are scared of sand impaction if they ingest the stuff with their food.
You look at someone’s tattoos and wonder if that morph is co-dominant or recessive.
You cannot understand why your wife got upset because you put the birthing pics on the net.
It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.
Those who are afraid to ask are ashamed of learning.